World Wide Ed

by frankie

So, the other day The Frankie was rollin’ through the Las Vegas MGM hotel with a gangsta lean and was gobsmacked and mortified by the scene before him… a man carrying his woman’s purse!

Full disclosure: The Frankie has been known on occasion to “protect” his wife’s purse for her while she’s, ahem, powdering her nose at a public restroom. It’s a matter of simple courtesy! (And besides, like learning to squeeze your butt cheeks together before every sneeze, being kind to your woman is an essential survival skill when it comes to navigating the treacherous waters of relationships.) However, this homie was holding her purse and walking with it while she strode aside him simultaneously empty handed and yet with both hands holding a death grip on his boiled eggs. I instantly poured a little liquor on the ground from the 40 oz. I was carrying in honor of yet another ninja lost to the curse of the Murse a.k.a. the Male Purse.

Editor’s note: the current use of the term Murse in this post is not to be confused with the term murse, which can be applied to male nurses, male curses (such as David Hasselhoff) and male purses (large bags designed for men), because this Murse is not a purse for men, but rather a Male Purse accessory for women.

Note the distinction, my friends and frenemies, because trust me when I tell you that it is better to be an asset rather than an accessory. While there is never a relationship that is truly equal, you would rather have the balance be 51% vs. 49% instead of 90% vs. 10% because in order to love her, you must also be able to love yourself first. And you can’t love yourself if you cease to exist. So, my ninjas, are you a Murse? Here’s a little quiz! You get one point for every “yes” answer to the following questions:

1. Instead of painting her nails, does she paint yours?
2. Have you ever changed the TV station from a college football or basketball game without her asking you to when she sits down on the couch next to you?
3. Do her girlfriends ask you for dating advice?
4. Have you ever participated in a Bikram Yoga or Pilates session?
5. Have you had a slice of vegetarian pizza in the past month?
6. Did you ever do the fast clapping part in the “Friends” TV show theme song?

Results!

• 0-1 points – See you at the next BJ Penn fight. IMUA!
• 2-3 points – Sorry, friend, but the store is called Ann Taylor, not Mann Taylor
• 4-5 points – OMG! When is the Sex and the City sequel coming out?!
• 6 points – Nice Hello Kitty tattoo there, son!

But all kidding aside, homies, you do not want your life to be relegated to that of an accessory. One of the purposes of a relationship is to push your wife or girlfriend to be a better person and you cannot do that if you are spending all of your time under her feet instead of by her side. You also do not want to wake up one day and find yourself unfulfilled with the life of a Murse.

So be strong, my ninjas. Beware the curse of the Murse! The next time a girl tries to make you into a Murse, pretend like she’s a girl who shops at Hot Topic and run for your life!

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The Guest Blog Schedule:

• THU 03/11 – Chicken Grease – “TheGrease and TheBus”
• FRI 03/12 – kuya.d – “I’m So Over It”
• MON 03/15 – JMAW – “Something like a Phenomenon”
• TUE 03/16 – frankie – “The Curse of the Murse”
• WED 03/17 – kako mochi – “Where in Oregon is kako mochi?”
• THU 03/18 – tweetpeep22 – “Online Dating Follies – Female Perspective”
• FRI 03/19 – S-Ticket – “Online Dating Follies – Male Perspective”
• MON 03/22 – tita leerz – “The Hawaii Visitor’s Survival Guide”
• TUE 03/23 – skycastles – “Otanjoubi Omedetou Gozaimasu Kurosawa-sama!”
• WED 03/24 – hemajang – “Where in Hawaii is hemajang?”
• THU 03/25 – uncle jimmy – “Grab One, Leave One, and Get Reel…”

by kuya.d

Once in awhile you just gotta vent it out (a la sistah Rosey), so for this Fave Five Friday edition let’s go against the flow and call it an “I’m So Over It Friday”. Get it off your chest! All those things, people, and topics that have been making you all “irrrimatated” … Vent it out people.

Just remember, this is a family show so let’s keep it classy and “G-rated”. We don’t want the Advertiser to give Ed the boot.

Here’s my “I’m So Over It” Five:

1. The singing Mayor – I don’t even have to name this guy and we know who it is. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a decent singer. I’d just rather have my mayor talking about key plans to improve the city, not finding his key on the magic mike.
2. Furlough Fridays – there’s like five left for the year … How about we just bunch um together and make Spring Break one week longer? Wait, didn’t they trim Spring Break by one week in order to keep the kids in school? What the?!
3. Brett Favre – just say you going play already cuz’. We all know you will. (And we know Ed is targeting you for his fantasy team).
4. “Prices differ in Hawaii” – weren’t we all stoked when Pizza H ran that “any size, any toppings all for ten dollars” ad? Then Bam! It costs us like sixteen dollars for the same deal. It ain’t costing six bucks more to make the same pie here in Hawaii. Price of Paradise and all … Puh-leeze!
5. Dude with the surgical mask – buddy, you ain’t the only one suffering in this economy. I’m sure if you really need the scripts for a good reason, somebody might help you. But please, stop messing with the safety of customers and employees.

And with that … I’m So Over. Whew! Thanks for hearing me out. Enjoy the weekend, and VHO7V Friday to y’all!

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kuya.d on da Front Page!

[Ed's note: as mentioned by Chicken Grease and confirmed by this photo sent in by kuya.d, this blog made it to the front page of the Advertiser! Too funny! Wish they would do that more often for my regular blogs! Ha! Nah, congrats dewz!]

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The Guest Blog Schedule:

• THU 03/11 – Chicken Grease – “TheGrease and TheBus”
• FRI 03/12 – kuya.d – “I’m So Over It”
• MON 03/15 – JMAW – “Something like a Phenomenon”
• TUE 03/16 – frankie – “The Curse of the Murse”
• WED 03/17 – kako mochi – “Where in Oregon is kako mochi?”
• THU 03/18 – tweetpeep22 – “Online Dating Follies – Female Perspective”
• FRI 03/19 – S-Ticket – “Online Dating Follies – Male Perspective”
• MON 03/22 – tita leerz – “The Hawaii Visitor’s Survival Guide”
• TUE 03/23 – skycastles – “Otanjoubi Omedetou Gozaimasu Kurosawa-sama!”
• WED 03/24 – hemajang – “Where in Hawaii is hemajang?”
• THU 03/25 – uncle jimmy – “Grab One, Leave One, and Get Reel…”

Having a bad day? Whaaat? No can! It’s only Monday! But seriously, if you eez, then here are some funnies to help bring a smile to your face. Enjoy!

Feeling unappreciated? World got you down?

Worker dead at desk for five days

Things Got Ya Down? Well Then, Consider These …

In a hospital’s Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11AM, regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the super natural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11AM Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11AM, all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the clock struck 11:00, the part-time Sunday sweeper entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Still Having a Bad Day?

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a Bad Day?

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

Are Ya OK Now? – No?

Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

What? STILL having a Bad Day?

An Iraqi terrorist didn’t pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with ‘Return to Sender’ stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb; he opened it and was blown to bits. God is Good!

There now, Feeling Better? I know I am, LOL***

There. Did that help to turn that frown upside-down? I hope so. Have a great week y’all!

Talk to me!
* Which story above made you laugh the most?
* Got any other funnies to add?
* You liking the Olympics so far? Almost pau! What has been your fave moment so far?
* With the holiday last week Monday and this today, how much are you missing our “Photography at the Right Angle” caption contests? What? Not much? Too bad, they’re makin’ a comeback next week!

One day I’ve gotsta mix in some randoms for these Monday posts to keep y’all guessin’ … But not today! We’ve got yet another caption contest for y’all to feast your eyes on…

But first, big ups to JJ and M for being last week’s winners! Your “Turbo powers….ACTIVATE!” and “Just blowing smoke out of my butt.” was good stuffs!

Hurr’s this week’s photo. And try to keep um rated PG a-ight pervies? I know what you’re thinkin’! LOL! Nah. Gogetum!

Photography at the Right Angle – Caption Contest (6 of 23)

Da “Photography at the Right Angle – Caption Contest” Winnahz Circle!

1. Week 1 – “Look, Ma! No hands!” (frankie)
2. Week 2 – “Eh? No can hear. Got beer in my ear.” (Dave)
3. Week 3 – TIE: “Pawn to Queen 4…errrr WOOF!” (b.) and “Doggie go long. On 3, On 3. Ready. Break.” (rayboyjr)
4. Week 4 – “Eeeek!!! Spider . . . get it, get it!! Omigod, omigod, omigod!” (skycastles)
5. Week 5 – TIE: “Turbo powers….ACTIVATE!” (JJ) and “Just blowing smoke out of my butt.” (M)
6. Week 6 – ???
7. Week 7 – ???
8. Week 8 – ???
9. Week 9 – ???
10. Week 10 – ???
11. Week 11 – ???
12. Week 12 – ???
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15. Week 15 – ???
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17. Week 17 – ???
18. Week 18 – ???
19. Week 19 – ???
20. Week 20 – ???
21. Week 21 – ???
22. Week 22 – ???
23. Week 23 – ???

Post your most creative/funny/witty/entertaining caption below for the photo above. Have a great Monday and week y’all! Shoots!

Another Monday… Yep, another photo caption contest. Just 19 more to go gang! LOL!

There were a lot that made me crack up last week, like bB’s “stop……….don’t turn around……….give me your wallet” and our lovely Rosette’s “ARGH HE FARTED!” but I went with skycastles’ “Eeeek!!! Spider . . . get it, get it!! Omigod, omigod, omigod!” for the creativity (and acting skills ). Congrats skizzai!

I know y’all will have some hilarious (and gross?) ones for this week. Have at it!

Photography at the Right Angle – Caption Contest (5 of 23)

Da “Photography at the Right Angle – Caption Contest” Winnahz Circle!

1. Week 1 – “Look, Ma! No hands!” (frankie)
2. Week 2 – “Eh? No can hear. Got beer in my ear.” (Dave)
3. Week 3 – TIE: “Pawn to Queen 4…errrr WOOF!” (b.) and “Doggie go long. On 3, On 3. Ready. Break.” (rayboyjr)
4. Week 4 – “Eeeek!!! Spider . . . get it, get it!! Omigod, omigod, omigod!” (skycastles)
5. Week 5 – ???
6. Week 6 – ???
7. Week 7 – ???
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20. Week 20 – ???
21. Week 21 – ???
22. Week 22 – ???
23. Week 23 – ???

Post your most creative/funny/witty/entertaining caption below for the photo above. Have a great Monday and week y’all! Shoots!

P.S. Don’t forget to read Part II of my Poke Paradise series, including interviews with Sam Choy, Mel and Justin Tanioka of Tanioka’s Seafoods and Catering, Hideaki “Santa” Miyoshi of Tokkuri-Tei, and Alan Wong:

Poke Paradise – Experiencing the Best Poke Around Hawaii – Part II

Ho, these 23 caption contests fill up a lot o’ our Mondays yeah? Stay automatic for me, but I gotta try and mix um up somehow for you guys to make things interesting. Hmm…

While I marinate on that, please help me congratumalate last week’s co-winners b. and rayboyjr. Their captions were equally funny/entertaining.

My brain get cobwebs. No can think of one side game. K, how about this. Let’s say the ol’ man is checking out one wahine walking by. In addition to the caption for the photo itself, we go geev bonus kine action to the best caption of what da old man is thinking/saying to himself.

Go getum guys!

Photography at the Right Angle – Caption Contest (4 of 23)

Da “Photography at the Right Angle – Caption Contest” Winnahz Circle!

1. Week 1 – “Look, Ma! No hands!” (frankie)
2. Week 2 – “Eh? No can hear. Got beer in my ear.” (Dave)
3. Week 3 – TIE: “Pawn to Queen 4…errrr WOOF!” (b.) and “Doggie go long. On 3, On 3. Ready. Break.” (rayboyjr)
4. Week 4 – ???
5. Week 5 – ???
6. Week 6 – ???
7. Week 7 – ???
8. Week 8 – ???
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10. Week 10 – ???
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20. Week 20 – ???
21. Week 21 – ???
22. Week 22 – ???
23. Week 23 – ???

Post your most creative/funny/witty/entertaining caption below for the photo above. Have a great Monday and week y’all! Shoots!

OK, so it’s been a few weeks since our first week for the “Photography at the Right Angle” caption contest, but hey, it was the holiday season. Cut me some slack yo. Speaking of which, HAPPY NEW YEAR err-one! Didja get to spend QT with your loved ones? I hope so! BTW, mahalos to tita leerz for the email forward that inspired this series of blogs, and congrats to bruddah frankie who won last week with his hilarious “Look Ma, No hands!” caption! Please help me congratumalate him.

A-ight, hopefully y’all still remember how to play this puppy! Fast kine though, chicky check the photo below and try to come up with the most creative/funny/witty/entertaining caption to go along with it. Best one wins the prestigious honor (LOL!) of getting their name on the board below. Awesome yeah? Nah! OKGO!

Photography at the Right Angle – Caption Contest (2 of 23)

Da “Photography at the Right Angle – Caption Contest” Winnahz Circle!

1. Week 1 – “Look, Ma! No hands!” (frankie)
2. Week 2 – ???
3. Week 3 – ???
4. Week 4 – ???
5. Week 5 – ???
6. Week 6 – ???
7. Week 7 – ???
8. Week 8 – ???
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18. Week 18 – ???
19. Week 19 – ???
20. Week 20 – ???
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22. Week 22 – ???
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Post your caption below for the photo above. Funniest one wins it all! Have a great week y’all! Looking forward to spending a wonderful 2010 with you all! Shoots!

P.S. If you’re bored outta your mind, check out my latest article, “Poke Paradise – Experiencing the Best Poke Around Hawaii – Part I“!

Poke Paradise – Experiencing the Best Poke Around Hawaii – Part I

MERRY CHRISTMAS Y‘ALL!!!

For those who are taking a brief break from their holiday celebrations to check on in here, here are two quickie Christmas related forwards I got. Hope they help to put a smile on your face on this Christmas day.

WEEWEECHU

Weeweechu

It’s a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, “Hey, mamacita, let’s do Weeweechu.”

Oh no, not now, let’s look at the moon!” said Rosita.

Oh, c’mon baby, let’s you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it’s the perfect time,” Pedro begged.

“But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon.” replied Rosita.

Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me.”

Rosita looked at Pedro and said, “OK, one time, we’ll do Weeweechu.”

Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang…..

“Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.”

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The Greatest Christmas Decoration Ever!

The Greatest Christmas Decoration Ever!

Fantastic. Greg sends along this DIY FYI:

“Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations. The bad news is that I had to take him down after 2 days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever.Great stories. But two things made me take it down.

First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by.

Second, a 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn’t realize it was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy). By the way, she was one of many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn’t take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard.”

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12th Hour UPDATE!

Bruddah David In Oregon literally just sent this to me, so I’m adding it to the funnies. Mahaloz D.O.!

Christmas Funnies

Christmas Funnies

Christmas Funnies

Christmas Funnies

Christmas Funnies

Christmas Funnies

Christmas Funnies

Christmas Funnies

Christmas Funnies

Christmas Funnies

Christmas Funnies

Christmas Funnies

Christmas Funnies

Christmas Funnies

Christmas Funnies

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Now, get back to your family ya hear? Actually, comment first and then get back to your family! Priorities…

Have a safe and happy holiday season gang! See you next year!

Wow, two blogs in a row? And, during the holidays no less!? Yep, that’s just the way I Rolo. (Weren’t those just the bomb back in the day? ) I even have another blog queued up for tomorrow, so trifecta hurr we come!

Anyway, this one’s for all y’all procrastinators out there! If you find yourself needing to shop today, on Christmas Eve, you must be outcho damn mind! But seriously, if you need to do a little last minute action, here’s a funny forward I received from a co-worker, to help get you in the mood. Enjoy!

Why Women Shouldn’t Take Men Shopping

Dear Mrs. Sugimoto, (name changed for realism )

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Sugimoto, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, “Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away”. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a “CAUTION – WET FLOOR” sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?” EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his
nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his “Madonna look” by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled “PICK ME! PICK ME!”

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed “OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!”

And last, but certainly not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, “Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.” One of the clerks passed out.

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Talk to me!
* In the comment area below, post another funny thing “Mr. Sugimoto” could do at the store above. Be as creative as you can…

One more day ’til Christmas y’all! The post for tomorrow will contain more funnies. Until then… Shoots!

Probably not many readers/commenters out there today (Thanksgiving Day), but just in case there are, here’s a fun little forward I got that’s quite appropriate.

New Turkey Recipe
Your dinner will be the talk of the TOWN!!
You should try this!
Sure to bring smiles from your guests!
Here is a new way to prepare your Thanksgiving Turkey.

1. Cut out aluminum foil in desired shapes.
2. Arrange the turkey in the roasting pan, position the foil carefully.  (see picture below for details)
3. Roast according to your own recipe and serve.
4. Watch your guests’ faces…

New Turkey Recipe

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have never a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!

Happy Thanksgiving Err-one!

Happy Fun Day Monday y’all! This one was forwarded to me by my Filipino friend Glenn, so no get mad at me if you feel offended. Kay kuya.d and tita leerz? Meetcha at the bottom!

To my fellow Filipinos, Good news from GMA.

Starting January of 2010, Filipinos from all around the world will surely benefit from this one-of-a-kind service from the newly passed law by the government of the Philippines . The service is entitled Hatid Kabayan. Any Filipino who has lived in any part of the globe for more than six months is said to be entitled and will benefit from this service. As soon as he lands at the Ninoy Aquino International Airport, go to a special booth that has been set up for this purpose and fill up some forms, and all he has to do is show his passport to confirm his  status abroad and everything is all set.
 
This also applies to all immigrants and non-immigrants.

Hatid Kabayan is a service where the Philippine Government has arranged a special ride for Filipinos from NAIA to any point in the Philippines or to any province. It will surely be a very memorable ride.

Hats off to GMA and the Philippine Government that in spite of this ongoing economic crisis, high fuel cost, perceived corruption, among others, they have managed to pay the returning Filipinos at least a respectable amount of gratitude and tribute for all their hard work abroad.

Specially-trained GMA employees will accommodate them and guarantee that they know every single route all across the Nation. So sit back and relax and let us be proud of what our Government can offer.

Below is the Hatid Kabayan on its Test Run. Mabuhay ang Plipinas!  Mabuhay si GMA!!!

…

..

.

Free Transport from NAIA Airport

Talk to me!
* Got any transportation horror stories to share?
* Good stories?

I have a few that include a taxi driver in San Antone with horrible B.O., a crazy, psycho shuttle van driver in Philly that almost got us into a beef (staring contest with other car sticking middle finger at us), and the mutes who don’t say a word to you. I guess that’s better than the motor mouths out there though. Hehe!

Have a great week guys!

Howzit! How was errryone’s weekend? We’ll start y’all out this week with a little giggle, forwarded to me by a friend/colleague. Enjoy, and I’ll meetcha at the bottom!

A koala is sitting up a gumtree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says “Hey Koala ! what are you doing?”

The koala says: “Smoking a joint, come up and have some.”

So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints.

After a while the little lizard says his mouth is dry and is going to get a drink from the river.

But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.

A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard: “What’s the matter with you?”

The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says “Hey you!”

So the koala looks down at him and says

“Duuuuuuude…….how much water did you drink?!!”

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LOL! Pretty funny yeah?

Did you ever have a d’uh moment like this? Not necessarily a “stoned” moment, because I know none of us would ever take a hit (or two) from a joint, 8) but just, you know, a little double-take action. Like you were thinking one thing, but saw another. Use the comment area below to share your story.

Have a great week and for those of you who are off on Wednesday (Veteran’s Day), we’ll see you back here on Friday. Shooooots!

Thought this one was pretty funny… And for those of you who were thinking of scoldin’ me for postin’ this, it was forwarded to me by wifey, so there!

Enjoy gang. Hope y’all have a Happy Fun Day Monday! Even though my Phillies are in deep (DEEP!) trouble, I still wish you a good one! Nah, nah! Have a great week yo!

NOTE: D’oh! Was just told that sistah Shauna already posted this one so I’ve moved it to the bottom (for those who still want a giggle) and am now giving you new, bonus kine action up top! Enjoy!

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED

Men Are Just Happier People What do you expect from such simple creatures?

* Your last name stays put.
* The garage is all yours.
* Wedding plans take care of themselves.
* Chocolate is just another snack.
* You can never be pregnant.
* You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
* You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
* Car mechanics tell you the truth.
* The world is your urinal…
* You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky..
* You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
* Same work, more pay.
* Wrinkles add character.
* Wedding dress: $5000. Tux rental: $100.
* People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
* New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet..
* One mood all the time.
* Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat..
* You know stuff about tanks.
* A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase..
* You can open all your own jars.
* You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
* If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
* Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
* Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
* You almost never have strap problems in public.
* You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
* Everything on your face stays its original color.
* The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
* You only have to shave your face and neck.
* You can play with toys all your life.
* One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons.
* You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
* You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife.
* You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
* You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

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NICKNAMES

1. If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
2. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

1. When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
2. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
2. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

BATHROOMS

1. A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
2. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

1. A woman has the last word in any argument.
2. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

1. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
2. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
2. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

1. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
2. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

1. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
2. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

1. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
2. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

1. Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
2. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!

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For a little fun, how about adding your own reason(s) (in the comment area below) why you think Men Are Just Happier People… Here’s mine:

IMAGE

1. A woman looks at other women and instantly compares herself to them.
2. Men never look at other men. Oh yeah! You like dat one yeah!?

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And please check out my new article: Koko Head Crater Trail Hike – Nature’s Stairmaster.

Koko Head Crater Trail Hike – Nature’s Stairmaster

Shoots!

P.S. Parts of my Shane Victorino interview will be airing on Tiny TV starting tonight at 10:30PM on OC16 (Oceanic Digital Channel 16 or HD Channel 1016). Check it out!

Before our softball game last weekend, the team circled up and did a prayer. One of our teammates asked one of the new guys if holding hands was ok, and somebody else replied with “Yeah, just don’t interlock the fingers… Man Rule #3!”. Ahahaha! I thought that was pretty classic!

So it got me thinking. What other “Man Rules” do we have floating around out there? You know, dem rules that are unwritten and unspoken, but very well known.

Here are a few off the top of my head (and here are some I actually found from a previous post). Feel free to use the comment area below to add your own!

• Beer and Poke, it’s what’s for dinner.
• Boys don’t cry.
• You are disowned if you don’t know how to change your own oil or change a flat tire.
• Don’t watch sissy shows like The Hills. Oops!
• Shaving/grooming should only be done around your mouth area.
• Man to man hugs should last no longer than 0.00001 seconds.

Any others out there? Feel free to be as creative as you can!

Shooots! Happy VHO7V Friday y’all! Have a great (UFC 104) weekend and I’ll see ya next week!

With Halloween quickly approaching, I thought this email I received recently was quite appropriate. Have a good laugh and I’ll meetcha at the bottom k?

Seems like only yesterday…

BARBIE DOLL had her 50th birthday this year…….

TWEETY BIRD was 60 years old!

And what about all our other Childhood Superheroes?

SUPERMAN

THOR

WONDER WOMAN (touch of menopause here I think?)

BATMAN and ROBIN

SPIDERMAN

“Life is short, break the rules, forgive sooner, love with true love, laugh without control and always keep smiling. Maybe life is not the party that we were expecting, but in the mean time, we’re here and we can still dance…..”

Growing old is not for whimps….. Jock Smith & Bette Davis

Talk to me!
* Pretty funny yeah?
* Did it get you excited for Halloween?
* What are you planning to do/where are you planning to go?
* Any tips on haunted houses around the state? How’s that Haunted Lagoon one at PCC?
* Anyone ever experience Halloween in Lahaina?

In other news…
* World Series Playoff games continue this week. Gooo Phills!
* Windows 7 is scheduled to be released this Thursday. Hallelujah! Peace out Vista!
* UFC 104 is this Saturday! Gooo Machida!
* WWE will be promo’d on the front page of next Wednesday’s Advertiser (print version)! Gooo me!
* University of Hawaii Men’s Bball kicks off next week Friday against UH Hilo. Gooo Bows!
* Happy Halloween next Saturday!

Have a great week y’all!